Stole this from another blog....but I like it!!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping!! But T LOVES to wrap all the gifts, it relaxes him:)

2. Real tree or artificial? We considered getting an artificial one this year, but we caved and bought a real one, you just can't manufacture that winter pine smell!

3. When do you take it down? Day after Christmas..I know it's early but I get sorta tired of all the extra "clutter"

4. Do you like eggnog? Totally!!!! But I never buy it because no one else in my family (except my mother in law) actually drink it..

5. Favorite gift received as a child? My day bed, when I was about 15!! Loved that thing:)

6. Do you like to know what you are getting or be surprised? I don't mind knowing...however T really likes to be surprised, and to surprise me!!

7. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail, baby!! Part of the fun is actually taking the pictures!!!

8. Favorite Christmas movie? All of them....I practically have the whole Hallmark channel recording..

9. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Anything!!! But I really look forward to the "harvest potatoes" Mmmmmmmm

10. Lights on the tree? Of course!!! We have all white lights, but my parents have multi colored...kinda liking the multi!!

11. Favorite Christmas song? Breath of Heaven

12. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Sure, if you call driving an hour traveling!

13. Angel or star on top of the Christmas tree? Angel!

14. Favorite ornament theme or color? Our tree is a theme tree of snowmen!!
The colors are white and red!! Too cute

15. What do you want for Christmas this year? Wishing for a necklace to hold a special pendant that I got from my grandma Betty...

Lacking...

I've been told that my blog has been lacking in content lately. I have to agree, but somehow I just can't put into words what has been going on in my heart. Being that I've been "hiding" in my cave, there has been much quiet time for me to search, ponder,weigh and transform the current state of my heart.

Last week was a very hard week at work. I was so drained emotionally, and spiritually that I couldn't stop my eyes from leaking sporadically all weekend.
Since I can't, as of yet, clearly define all that is ME...I will leave you with some of the questions I am attempting to answer:

1. I find it rather easy to extend grace and compassion to others yet struggle with receiving it for myself, BUT how do I learn to receive?
2. How do i lose the pain of the past?
3. Where is my "safe place" to heal my wounds, where I can recuperate and regain my emotional and spiritual strength?
4. How long will this season of my heart last??

The book I am currently reading is Break Through by Marsha Crockett...
I will close with an insert from the book that grasps where I am this morning:

This is God's tender response to my disbelieving heart: He has marked me as his own and given me hos own name. So, I claim this blessing on difficult days when anger growls deep within. I wrap his name~now my name!- around my ache. My name is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love.
I sit with this blessing until I believe and become this name.

Decor Party at Mom's

Every year we all get together and decorate my mom and dads house for Christmas!!
On Friday we all meet for moms famous chili, Alicia's cornbread, and of course Tree Decorating!!




T and I always provide the game for the night, this year we chose the "wrapping" game. The way you play is, you wrap a gift (ours was $40!!) about 7 times, each time harder than before...you can use duct tape, bags, whatever you can to make it really hard to unwrap...the harder, the better!!
So the game is, everyone sits in a circle and rolls a dice..if you roll on a 6, you put on 3 items of clothes (scarfs, hats, etc) that are in the middle of the circle and after you have the items on, you may start to unwrap the gift...but as you are putting on the clothes and unwrapping the dice is still circulating and if someone else rolls a 6, you have to stop and hand everything over to them. It gets pretty intense, and it is hilarious!! Christian won the money but just barely...my mom almost had it unwrapped, but at the last minute Christian rolled a 6!!!!!!

Thanksgiving Day

I had an amazing Thanksgiving!!!!
It all started early that morning with me falling out of bed and spraining my wrist, followed closely by a panic call from my mom about a turkey and a migraine...
She felt a migraine coming on, and there was no one to do the turkey.
Needless to say the day went on, with mom in bed and T, me, Alicia, Rachel and Christian left in the kitchen to make sure that all the food got on the table at the same time. I honestly have to thank God for my mom being out of commission that day, because the hustling, working, and just bonding that was going on in the kitchen with me and my nieces and nephew wouldn't have happened otherwise. It was chaotic and so fun!!! We made the turkey, ham and all the sides to go along with it..MADNESS I say...but oh so fun. My niece Rachel even said she wanted to be a housewife now, because she had so much fun!!



Yay for migraines!! (just kidding mom:)

So the delicious food was followed by a night of games, laughter and new memories!!
Dave, Jenna and family were truly missed...
It was really one of the most memorable Thanksgivings ever for me...
This is one of my most favorite holidays, I love all the family time, and no matter much I don't understand my niece and nephews music, clothes, friends or whatever..We bonded over cheese like no one's business!!!

I'm no Martha Stewart...

This past weekend, we hosted an annual Thanksgiving "name card" decorating party!
Every year I become a Martha Stewart wannabe, and attempt to design my very own, unique, homemade, creative name cards for the Thanksgiving meal table.
This year the plan was to take the mini pumpkins, paint them and attach a leave with each name written on it...One small problem...WHO KNEW!!! that the mini pumpkins would be rotten after only 2 weeks...UGH

So on Friday afternoon at 2:30 (party starts at 5) I have to revise my whole idea, and go with "flow" Totally not my style, I'm a planner!
So I enlisted the help of Alicia (my niece), and with her help we found a compromise that actually worked out better (smelled better too) We used cardboard ornaments, and painted them just as if they were pumpkins, a few drops of hot glue (let it completely dry before placing on the plate) to keep it stable on the plate, and we are on our way to a beautiful table setting!!

I'm really happy with the final product!! The good thing is, we can use these for the Christmas table as well!!
What do you think of them??

I don't know him at all..

Last night as T was folding laundry, it occurred to me that I must not know him at all...he was sharing with me some pet peeves that I was totally unaware of:

One of them being something I do often, therefore annoying him without the pleasure of knowing I was doing it!

It all started two nights ago...while I was at a pampered chef party, which by the way; no pampering involved what so ever, T was at home watching a movie. I assumed that he was doing the dishes, laundry, you know the stuff I would normally do but couldn't due to the fact that I was getting pampered...but not really.
Ok, so we have this long conversation about both of us helping around the house and one of us is being consistent (me) and one of us isn't(him), and what to do to change that...long story short, last night he stepped it up and took care of laundry and did the dishes!!

Turns out as he is doing the laundry, he was so annoyed with me (his peeve) because I have a habit of folding the clothes and putting them back into the basket. This, my friends, apparently needs to stop right now!
The other thing that needs to stop is the way I don't rinse off my knife after making a sandwich...I've been told that this is extremely gross..ewwwww

2 things I didn't know about T:
He gets irritated by mustard on a knife
Folded clothes in a basket drive him crazy

My AMAZING man, I didn't know you at all:)
Love you sweetie

Season of transitions

As this holiday season quickly approaches, I am reminded yet again of all the transition's that our family's endured this year.
This year has been our first without our beloved Grandma Betty...if you knew our family at all, you've probably crossed paths with her...and most likely she poured her love and laughter all over you.
This year has been our first without my brother David and his family attending all our family functions...they moved to Oregon.
This year has been the first year that my mom and dad have been partially retired.

As we head into Thanksgiving, I am reminded of how much I have to be thankful for.
Even though my grandma passed last year, I had 30 years with her!! 30 AMAZING years!! To soak up her attitude, her love, her cooking, her laughter, and for 30 years I was her special "Carey Joy".
Even though David and his family are in Oregon, I had and will have so many more memories with them...this isn't the end, but merely a bend in the road. I am thankful for the phone conversations I've had with David, that have gone deeper that our usual chit chat at birthday parties, I see our relationship changing...in a good way!!!
My parents are spending less time scheduling and working, more time focusing on their health, their friendships and their grand kids!!! They have an AMAZING opportunity, especially now, to carry on the love of grandma Betty. To extend that same grace, unconditional love, and acceptance that we were all shown by her.

My prayer for this season, is that my family embrace the transitions, grow with the changes, and learn more about each other. We are all a little older now, all a little more stressed out, we all miss David, Jenna, Caleb, Grace and Luke, and we all miss grandma Betty.
I pray we don't miss out on what the Lord will do in our lives this holiday season. Through this year, yes many things have changed. BUT one thing remains constant:

God's love for us is unchanging,
God's hand has never been removed from our family,
He is in control!!!!!!

Puppies!!

My sister's dog had puppies!
They are so cute, she still has 2 boys for sale, these are the cutest puppies I have ever seen...they are toy Chihuahuas...they don't' even weigh 1 pound yet
If you want one, of know someone that does, please let me know!

So glad I shaved yesterday!!

For my birthday yesterday, T took me to Lucille's BBQ for dinner (thank you mom and dad)...But all night he had a little smirk on his face, so I knew he had something up his sleeve..

So when we get home, I notice that there are candles lite inside...my first thought is "oh no, I didn't take the trash out, or clean the bathroom, and there is people in my home" BUT, when he opened the front door there was a massage table set up, candles all over, soft music playing and my own personal massage therapist!!!!!
BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT EVER!!
I was so surprised!! What a blessing to have a husband that would sacrifice my birthday evening with him, to let me relax and be massaged...

So after my 90 minute, full body massage...I was so relaxed, so in love and so grateful that I shaved my legs that morning:)

Then Amen..

A dear friend of mine just found out that she may have cancer...
Her response to this life changing news was:

"If this is what God has for me, then Amen
If this is His will, then Amen
My life is in His hands, I am NOT the boss
He is!!!!"

This just blew me away, just the complete turning over of her will, and her trust in the Lord was such a cool example to me.
No, we are not in control, Yes GOD is!!!!!!

7 Reasons to smile today!!:)

I smile today because:

1. I had an amazing weekend, 2 parties to celebrate my birthday...and I didn't have to plan either one of them!!
2. Free lunch today with the office!
3. I have a wonderfully thoughtful, sensitive, generous husband!
4. Somewhere, the leaves are changing colors for fall!!
5. My friend is wearing Halloween socks, pulled all the way up, with capri pants on... the funny part..She is 60 years old!!! Yay Dottie
6. I fell on my face this morning on my way to the bathroom!
7. I am free, forgiven, and fabulous!!!

What are some reasons for YOU to smile today???

Thank you girls!!!!

If not for these girls around me, I would have never gotten through the weekend. You know those people that you can be emotionally and spiritually "naked" with? Well, these are my "naked" friends!
Thank you so much Becky and Kristi for walking, praying, and holding me through the weekend. Thank you for allowing me to just be me, for listening to me and offering counsel and prayer...
We all need an army around us when we are at war, and they are my army!!!
Its so amazing to have friends like you guys, just knowing that even in my "darkest" time, I am so loved...

I am at War...

I am at war like never before: at war for my thoughts, my spirit, my mind, my husband, my God.
This realization has me on my knees...
At the women's retreat there was a war for my attention going on, not only was it affecting my ears, but my body as well...I wasn't feeling well, but strangely enough it would happen right as the speaker would start..
I would either choose to leave the room or sit there uncomfortably, shifting in my seat and distracting those around me...(basically a "tool" of the enemy)

It was not until the ride home that I was even aware of the attack, I knew I was struggling, but against what, I wasn't sure...you know how us girls can be, we check our emotions before we check our spirit. (I do anyway)

This past week felt like a battle zone in my spirit: I wanted to focus on the Lord, but my emotions were out of control...and I was giving into my emotions as if I had not a choice...
I am at War and I HAVE a Choice: I choose to FIGHT!!!
I am asking you, will you fight with me, there is so much going on every day around us that WE NEED to be ready, WE NEED to be strong, WE NEED to be on our knees

Today, I give back my mind, heart, spirit, body, soul and once again lay it before the Cross: It is not mine to control, but it isn't the enemies either..
I am ready for the battle; are you??
Ephesians 6:10-20 (The Message)

A Fight to the Finish
10-12And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.
13-18Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.

I am ready for the battle; Are you?

The Re-Creation of Carey...

Every woman I know has been through this..
I'm getting ready to go to a woman's retreat...
So, of course, I'm getting together 3 (or more) of my "best" outfits, you know the ones that you spread out over a month of Sundays at church, the ones that make you feel stylish, the most spiritual, as well as comfortable...the ones that stand out from other women because your style is so "unique"...

Yep, that's where I'm at..if you are a woman reading this, you know exactly what I mean...all the years past I've been able to go blow $100 or so on whatever I wanted to wear, and just sport my new outfits all weekend...basically "re-create" myself (using my clothes)
This year we are on a strict budget, and it doesn't allow for spontaneous re-creation or retreat shopping.

No re-creation this year, just plain old me..just Carey!! I need to learn to be exactly who the Lord fashioned me to be. Coincidentally the verse we are focusing on is:
Psalm 119-73
Your hands have made me and fashioned me"
Give me understanding, that I may learn Your commandments.

My prayer for this weekend is that I gain understanding in who I am in Christ, and continue to understand what it means to be "fashioned" by God.
That I would NEVER again wish to re-create myself...(at least on the outside)

Birthdays!

Over the weekend we celebrated my niece and nephew's birthdays!!
Rachel is 16, Christian 14..they grow up so fast..
Next month Alicia will be 17, I can't believe how much they have all changed in the last 2 years. (she is in the third picture)
The last one is of me and my sister Michelle!!
We ate pizza, played bunco and guesstures and called it a day!!
Happy Birthday Rachel and Christian, we love you both so much!!!

I took this picture of a very random flower we had growing in our backyard...
But today, this picture is me.
I feel complete peace, a little exposed, yet if you look closely at me you will notice a sadness, a slight dark corner of my heart
All the while, I smile at the world, content to not let anyone truly see me. Not now, not today...

I sell confidence...

I am a stylist by trade...a stylist of the eyeball world. Most days I really love what I do...
I have been in this field for 14 years, today it struck me that I am trusted all day, every day, to be a judge of people.
I judge people for a living then select the best eye wear for their faces, lifestyles, and of course the latest trends. So when I begin with a patient it is my job to discern their likes, dislikes and personal style needs. What often ends up happening is that I "judge" them based on how they look...
I'm not going to debate, right now, whether this is wrong or right..(although I have some thoughts on that for another day)

Based on my assessment of the patient, I begin to show them what I think would suit them best...rarely am I met with resistance (I'm the professional, right??!)Wooooo hoooooooo, such power I hold!!!
Most of us see ourselves so different than others see us. So I see it as a challenge to alter the perception of the patient. I have a very unique opportunity to encourage them to step out of their comfort zone, or maybe try that color they've been wanting to try, but were too afraid. It brings me great joy to help the patient update, alter, or even change their appearance through their eye wear...
What I really love about my job is when a patient will trust me enough to go with the frame that I suggest, and they turn out absolutely LOVING it!!! They walk out way more confident than they came in and, just like a new haircut, feel fresh and new! That makes my job totally worth the 30 mile commute.
So to sum up my job, I judge, encourage, style, sometimes counsel and, of course, "sell" confidence to the average "joe"

So I encourage you (and me) to try something new today, step out of your comfort zone, go talk to that person, or even try to see yourself through others eyes..
You may be pleasantly surprised!!!

My TiVo List!!

I thought I would reveal a very intimate part of my life to you all!!! Actually I think a TiVo list does reveal a little about a person, so be that as it may...I am prepared to take the criticism for my shallow TV choices, as well as the occasional sneer...
I probably record EVERY reality show there is, and T likes to record the History and National Geographic channel. (yawn) So I thought I would post our TiVo List and would love to hear what you record...

The Fringe (my new favorite show)
Bones
The Office
Top Design
Project Runway
LockUp (especially like the LockUp: Raw)
The Hills (embarrassing, but true)
Weaponology
Next Top Model
Dancing With The Stars
Till Death
How I met your mother
Lost (when its back on)
Greys Anatomy
Privileged

Truth be told, this is my TiVo list, T doesn't really get to record much... BUT the "weaponology" is his!!

Does "time out" work on dogs??

So here are our wonderful dogs, Kisser and Poopers!! We love them so much, but sometimes they are just too sneaky...Today Poopers (the dog on the right) got into our trash can, tipped it over and started eating some chicken we had thrown away...when I found him he didn't drop it, (i said it just like the dog whisperer) and he continued to disobey me...So i put him in "time out"..Yes just like a toddler...do you think it works on dogs??

I can't hear...

My mom and I were talking last night about her friend Sally's prayer, prompting us to listen to the soft whispers of the Lord, this lead me to question Am I listening to the "soft whispers" of the Lord??
My honest answer is no, not all time...to be a great listener, I first have to discard my "old" habits:
The first being: I can't listen with my mouth open...(be quiet)
I can't listen while I'm moving...(be still)
I can't listen while I'm focusing on me
I can't listen if I don't care
I can't listen when I'm worried or anxious
What I realized when I was making this list, was that all these things are me being selfish...I am guilty of processing my thoughts while a friend is sharing with me, instead of being present with her and really listening.
I carry that same handicap into my relationship with the Lord..
I listen to what I want, when I want and on my terms.
Not exactly being aware or open to the "soft whispers" of the Lord.
How do I expect to hear the soft voice of the Lord, if my voice is so loud in my heart? Again, I am faced with the question..Who am I living for, Me or the Lord...
When I live for the Lord I become so in tune with His voice, and no matter how "soft" it is, I am lead by Him.

By no means am I suggesting my handicap is healed, however I will re-learn my listening skills, both with the Lord and my friends...and I pray that my spirit remain sensitive to the nudging of the Holy Spirit.

Colossians 3:15-17 (The Message)
Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ-the Message_ have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense, and sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives-words,actions, whatever- be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way.

Summer Bash!!

We had our first ever, now annual, Summer Bash!!!
The pictures say it all!! We rented a huge waterslide!!!
Enjoy!

I yawn at the police!!!!

On the way to work to day, a cop drove by me...I realize that every time a cop drives by me, I begin to yawn...yep thats right, I act completly relaxed and at ease, to distract them from my actual speed..., I guess somewhere in my mind, if I appear to be "bored" that there is no way they will "clock" me...

Because what speeding person is so relaxed that they actually yawn while driving??
My crazy mind, right??
So, it actually works, try it the next a police drives by you!!!

Nature Walk...

Over the weekend Travis and I went to the El Dorado Nature Walk...we love it there, it almost feels like you are miles away...(almost) We like to just walk and listen to the sounds of the birds...just really relax and connect with the Lord..
I have found,for me, I connect with the Lord in nature...I feel more relaxed, more able to hear His voice, more open to hear His voice, more honest about how I'm feeling and really just more myself.

My spirit is refreshed by being outside!! Thats why I LOVE the mountains so much, plus the fact that my parents took us there every summer!:)
If I could daily get my heart to be still, as if I were in nature, I would have such an easier time hearing the Lord...sometimes I am just to loud or busy to hear Him..
Sometimes I tune Him out...sometimes I ignore Him...

My prayer today is that I hear the Lord, and be still before Him more...

Champions!!!!!

Travis's softball team won the championship of their division!!!!
Yay for my sweetie!! He is such a good player, and he hit a home run on the last game and they blew the other team away!!!
I have to lift Travis up for his amazing attitude, he gives his all in everything that he does, and continues to keep a positive attitude!!! He has been a wonderful example to me!! He loves the Lord, loves his family, and is so patient with me!!(we all know I need it(

Way to go, sweeties!!! I love you

Feeling "healthy"

Travis and I decided to make a change in our eating habits!! We both feel it is long overdue and necessary to ease into the next "season" of our lives.
We don't like to say "diet" so we are just changing the way we eat...Better choices, and more knowledge of what is going into our bodies. We now (for the last 6 months) shop at Fresh & Easy..their food has no preservatives and most of it is organic...
I'm am officially a humus addict!!

Maybe its part of my control issues, but it really makes me feel better being able to read the labels and understand exactly what the ingredients are...So with that being said, for the last 2 weeks we have elimated sugar and most processed foods from our meals, drinking only diet soda and water, and trying to at least get 30 minutes of movement in per day.

We both feel a whole lot better!!!! Not sluggish or bloated from eating in excess, but its been a little hard limiting our options of food. I am so proud of us though for really sticking to it, yes I am aware its only been 2 weeks, but for us that is really GREAT!! Yay!!

See dad, I'm not crazy...just sugar deprived....!!!!!

Badmington Re-Match!!!

The neighbor kids came over last weekend, and we all played badmington in our back yard...Girls vs Boys...
GIRLS WON!!!!! It was so nice to just play a few games, and see the smiles on their faces, as well as ours!!
Marissa and I made up a little dance to go with our victory!!!!!
Travis and Mason have challenged us to a re-match...

A little investment of our time was all it took, and hey, we even had fun doing it!!
Re-match is on for this weekend, I'll let you know how it goes!!:)

Thank you!

Last week was so hard for me, BUT

Thank you to those of you that prayed for me last week, and called or encouraged me..I'm so thankful for friends that can mourn with me & laugh with me!!
If you read my previous blog, you know that I was hurting....Well, I still hurt however, my spirit is being renewed daily with the hope that God is in control, NOT ME...
This brings me comfort knowing that He has ultimate control, not some test or some pill, or counting method...HE IS IN CONTROL!!!!!
The Lord knows the desires of my heart, and I pray I can continue to leave my desires at His feet, and learn to trust Him with my most intimate thoughts, desires, and struggles...The Lord knows me better than anyone, so I will trust in His perfect timing.

I know in 3 weeks I will have another hard week, but just knowing that others are in this with me and I'm not alone is sometimes just enough to keep going...

Waiting to Exist

Sometimes I just feel like I'm waiting for my life to take on meaning or to have a bigger purpose...Like I'm waiting to Exist...
Let me explain, most of my friends have kids and seeing them pour into their children day after day looks so rewarding, so selfless, so NOT what I have right now.
My hearts desire is to one day be a mother, and pour my life into another. Every month is so hard for me, when I realize I am indeed still without child...
Each month that passes is another failure in my eyes...This desire I have is from the Lord, yet why can't I get pregnant??

I do understand that the Lord has His perfect timing...but I just feel so down and so ignored. I know that no one has an "answer" for me, and I 'm not looking for one, just an opportunity to vent my feelings, and let you know where my heart is at.

I'm sad, I'm not pregnant, and I just feel plain down...
I'm waiting to Exist

Happy Birthday Bec!!!!

There will always be certain people in my life...family, my husband, and Becky!!! Bec, you have been such a good friend to me for the last 15 years, you have blessed me in ways beyond comprehension, you have cried, laughed, snorted and peed your pants right along side me... You have snuck into new construction, and hide from the world with me, you have embraced my strengths, my weaknesses and sharpened my spirit.
Our friendship has not been without turbulence, but we have fought for each other and forgave one another, Our friendship is one worth fighting for

Thank you for always being truthful with me, and for not having all the answers, I respect you & cherish the gift of friendship we possess...
Above all the for mentioned things, Bec, you constantly turn my head to the sky...you remind me of the one that matters most, and the one that loves beyond what we know..You remind me of His grace, His mercy, His forgiveness, His sense of humor!!

I am so blessed to have you in my life...

Yuck

Today is one of those days I wish I could just curl up in a corner & sleep or just let all my tears flow...
Please pray for me today, I want to be able to rely on the Lord and sift through all the feelings inside my head, and discern what is true, right, noble, and of the Lord.

Peace maker vs. Truth teller...

Does this dress make my butt look big?? Peace Maker "no, you look beautiful in whatever you wear"..VS Truth teller "Actually, I think this other dress would work better for your body type"...
Which one are you??
I find myself falling into catagory number 1: I am 70% Peace maker, 30% truth teller
I have no problem being 100% truth with Travis, but sometimes, I would rather keep the "peace" than just be truthful.....
I've come to realize that this is NOT the way to go...By not speaking the truth I am disobeying God...now don't misunderstand me, if the truth is NOT spoken in love, it can easily become just an opinion.

I have a few "truth tellers" in my life and I thank God for them..They keep me accountable (even when I don't realize I need it) and they encourage me...
My desire is to become a full-time Truth teller!!!

Lord, please give me the wisdom to disern what is true and from you, and help me to be a vessell of your truth.

My Photos

I love taking photographs!!!! It is one of my secret passions, I'm just learning so I'm not very good, but I don't do it to be the best, I do it to create something beautiful that my eyes may have missed otherwise

Photos capture moments, moments make up our lives..My dream is to capture peoples lives, their struggles, their victories, and the things that cause me to pause and take notice of my surroundings and all the beauty that exists every day around me.

Photographs don't lie, they show you what is...The honesty they portray draws me to continue to pursue life through the pictures I take.
It's amazing how gorgeous a simple flower can be, or the innocent look on my nephews face as he plays in the yard, the hurt, confusion, elated joy, fear...the emotions that a lens can capture are beyond what our eyes can comprehend, that is why I love photography....
The honesty is refreshing

Privacy...

Its true, right now I am sitting in a coffee shop for the sole purpose of getting some privacy...Does this sound wrong to anyone else??
I am all about neighborly kindness, however is there not a limit to that? We have neighbors that have 2 young kids...a girl that is 9 and a boy that is 6...
Where, at first, we didn't see a problem with chatting with them, letting them help us bring in the groceries...it has gone too far.
We are not able to relax on our couch without them coming over and ringing lthe doorbell, (our dogs hate this) and wanting to just "hang out" with us. Well, we admit we are super cool!!! But we just want to bask in our coolness alone:)
Over the weekend, we counted a total of 6 visits from our neighbor kid friends....3 of which we decided to ignore...This is just too much, the girl has even took to pressing herself against out front window to say "hi", and here is the best part...they get attitudes with us when we tell them they can't come in & we just want to be alone...
Ok, I realize they are kids, and the issue here is probably more with their mom, but how do we turn them away, without making them feel bad..
Deep inside I know the girl needs positive attention (she doesn't get at home) and I can't help but ask myself, "What can I do to help"
Yet the other side of me is well aware that there should be boundaries & those boundaries need to be established soon...

Are we just being selfish & do we have valid points??
There are times we just want to be alone in our home & "let our hair down", Per my last post I'm asking myself "How do I choose to live for God in this situation?"

Choices

Choices....I've been reminded lately how much choices shape who you are and who you become. Every day we are faced with many choices..But I have learned that it all comes down to one choice really:
Am I gonna live for Carey or am I gonna live for God...

Daily I make the choice whom I will serve...even in the small things, I can choose to live for the Lord.
Last night I went to the library to return some books, and I really didn't feel like going in, so I just dropped off the books..I was also feeling a little anxious and didn't really know what to do with myself.(Wednesday nights are my "girl" time)
So then I got the brilliant idea to go shopping, and the little voice inside me starts to put up a little red flag....BUT I wanted to feel that excitement that I get when I have something new.
I drove to the mall, and sat in my car & called to check on my bank account to see if I could spend a little...My heart was saying NO, but I wanted to so bad....BUT in my heart I knew that I didn't "need" to go shopping, and I needed to go home and spend time with Travis. I can't afford it right now anyway, so instead of making a choice that I wanted, I slowly drove back home and spent time with my husband, and made the choice to live for the Lord, not me.

Small battle, but BIG win in my heart for the Lord, each time I choose to do what He wants me to do I grow a little bit..and I feel the next time I am faced with a similar choice, I can draw from that experience..
Not My will, but HIS will be done.

So again, this morning I am faced with choices: new day, new choices, but its the same question:
Am I gonna live for Carey or am I gonna live for God????

UGH!!!!

It took me 45 minutes to drive 13 miles on the 5 last night...ugh I was so frustrated that I just shut down, no talking, no laughing, no loud singing..just driving.
When we arrive at our home @ 6:45.(ugh again) I am quite pleased with myself because I have pre-cooked some chicken wrapped in bacon & all we have to do is make the side dishes & we have dinner!!! WoooHOooo. right????...Not so much.... Yet again I forgot to read the ingredients needed for the risotto. We had used the rest of the olive oil on the "pizza bread" and the risotto called for olive oil to brown the rice, Errrggghhhh Why can't I wrap my head around the simple task of dinner this week??

Later on in the evening Trav made a brilliant observation: I shut down & become silent when I am overwhelmed, where he likes to talk it out & share it with me..
Another thing to add to my list of things to work on:
1. Better meal planning
2. Read directions
3. Share with Travis
4. Ask for help
And that is just this week so far....UGH

Follow the directions!

I had bought all the ingredients for homemade pizza from Fresh & Easy...I was super excited to make it..and of course it was gonna be a garlic,cheese and chicken pizza!
So yesterday I had to leave for work at 12:15..so at 11:30 I realize that I forgot to have lunch, so being as excited about the pizza as I was, I decided to make it.

So, as my husband taught me, I started to read the directions..OH NO!! the first step was to cool at room temp for 20 minutes..I don't have that much time, so I figured I could just skip that step. (thats my twist on reading the directions, just skip the ones you don't like)
So I hurry and throw the pizza in the oven...turns out like cheese bread and it really stuck to the stone I used..

Travis gets home from work, I told him there was left over pizza!! So as we are eating the left overs, I kinda knew something was "different" about it...So Trav asks me "did you put pizza sauce on this?" Oh my gosh!!! I completly forgot to put the sauce on (I'm sure it was NOT in the directions) hahahahaha

Yum Yum, garlic cheese chicken bread!!

Anyone want Chicken..

Another busy weekend!!! It all started off on Friday with me getting off work at 1 then, not feeling very well, went to the grocery store...I love Fresh & Easy!!!
Its my new favorite grocery store...Well, they had a bunch of chicken that they needed to sell so it was marked down more than 50%..you know me I can't pass up a deal like that!
So now for this week we will be eating shredded chicken, baked chicken, chicken wrapped in bacon, fried chicken, and chicken and rice..I think I went a little crazy!
So, after my chicken extravaganza, Travis came home & we just watched movies, he had another tough day at work and had to work overtime...so we just ate chicken, and relaxed!!
Saturday, I had commited to going to a surprise party for one of my friends, but we slept in until 10!!Can you beleive it??? We couldn't, we were supposed to be at the car place for an oil change at 8...oops, so we were running a little late.
Then off to the coffee house for some joe with my man, then the mall, home depot and finially home to shower & get ready for the party at 1:30..

As I getting ready we hear loud yelps coming from a dog across the street..you know how much of a softy I am for dogs...so of course, I tell Travis to run over & help..
The neighbor had run over their dog...So we run over & do what we can, which was nothing because Travis didn't want to get bit...they load the poor dog in the car and off they go..

I finish getting ready and its off to the surprise!!! Travis stayed home & had some much needed "man time" watching baseball...5 hours later I come home to my husband sitting in the exact spot I left him..wearing the exact same clothes. I guess thats what "man time" is for, right???
We had chicken for dinner, and then watched a movie, then off to Dennys for a late night snack...worst service EVER!!

Sunday, we wake up and Travis's softball team had 2 games back to back...so we eat chicken for breakfast, go to 3 hours of softball..they did win both!!! then off to the team BBQ!!
Note to self: whenever I am hosting a BBQ, do NOT sit on the couch & watch tv and say only 3 words.. enough said about that
We ended our busy weekend, by me watering our dead lawn & Trav taking down the 2 wasps nest in the back yard...
Ahhhh, another weekend gone by...

I've come to realize...

1. I've come to realize that my legs...Are my favorite part of my body!!

2. I've come to realize that my job...Is getting better since Sandra is here!!

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...I sing at the top of my lungs!!

4. I've come to realize that I need...To make time to be a better friend

5. I've come to realize that I have lost...My carefree attitude

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...People gossip

7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk...someone has drugged me cuz I don't drink to get drunk..

8. I've come to realize that money...Is finally started to make sense to me

9. I've come to realize that certain people...just never change

10. I've come to realize that I'll always be...a little bit weird & crazy!!!

11. I've come to realize that I have a crush on...babies...

12. I've come to realize that my mom...Is one of my closest friends

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone is...Never NOT on vibrate and I rarely answer it

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...I was hoping it was Friday

15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep...I was reading about how to be a better wife to Travis

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about...My sister

17. I've come to realize that my dad...Loves to be around people!

18. I've come to realize that when I get on Myspace...I get right back off

19. I've come to realize that today...I forgot to take anything out for dinner

20. I've come to realize that tonight...I hope to go out to dinner!!

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow...is Friday!!! WooooHOOO

22. I've come to realize that I really want to.... Live with Purpose for God

Alicia...

One of the things I got to do on vacation was paint my bedroom!!!!! Its been wayyyy over due for some TLC.. So I called my niece, Alicia, and she helped me!
So thank you so much Alicia for the company and the help, its always a blessing having you over & talking with you...

Alicia is an amazing young woman, at 16 she is in love with the Lord, knows how to cook, pays for her own gas, and actually wants to work at her job...
Alicia I am so proud of you, your heart is so beautiful!

It so true that the "young" can teach the "old"..I learn so much by watching and listening to her..She has been through so much in her 16 years, yet her heart is still focused on the Lord and she keeps going...many in her shoes would have given up a long time ago....but her passion and her conviction keep her going..she is such an example to me!!!

So thank you Alicia, not only for painting my room, but being an example to me and all those around you!
I love you

Back!!

I'm back!! I took a much needed break from work...a little time just for me and the Lord..That's exactly what I did! I needed to just spend time with the Lord and be refreshed. There were so many thoughts running around in my head, and in my heart that I just need to be still.

Those of you that know me, you also know that being still doesn't come naturally, sure I can sit in front of the T.V, but being still with the Lord is hard. One of my favorite questions to ask myself is "why?"...why am I feeling this way, why did that hurt my feelings, why do I want that..you get the idea..
But as good as I am asking "why", I'm not always great at getting to the bottom of that question. because getting to the bottom of the question takes time, quietness and stillness.....thus the reason for my time off....

In all the stillness, I realize that I have been focusing on the past so much...asking myself questions, and having constant regrets. I know now that the reason I keep doing this is because so many of the wounds from my past haven't yet healed...even as far back as 14 years...whoa huh!!!
So now I begin the process of finding the wounds, not just bandaging them up, but healing them. I have learned so much from my past, but I shouldn't have so much regret because Gods grace is so much bigger than that!!!!!
So now also begins the journey of learning all about Gods grace!
If you have any encouragement for me, I'll take it!!!!!

In the meantime, I continue to ask "why" but now I am also asking "what" now Lord!
Heal me Lord, and show me your grace....Amen

4th of July!!

We had such a good 4th of July!!! We had a barbecue at our house...
Thanks to Allen and Karen, we were able to cook for the whole gang
and boy was it good!!!

We had the party in the front yard, due to the infestation of yellow jackets in the back, but overall we didn't mind at all!! We set up our JUMBO badminton set, the mini pool in the hopes of bringing front yard parties "back in style"...
don't know if that actually worked, but we had fun!

We ate, played apples to apples, badminton, and guestures....
Good food, good people, good times!!!!
Later that night, when everyone was gone, we sat outside in our beach chairs and watched all the "illegal" fireworks in the sky...lol!!!

We are so blessed to be able to use our home to bring people together!! We have prayed for these opportunities, and continue to pray for more!
Our desire is that our home is a vessel that the Lord will use to share HIS love, acceptance and joy...
We need only be present...

Just in case,

In case you are wondering why my blogs haven't been like they were when I first started, no tid bits, not quotes...no pictures
It's because we have yet to get internet at home, so all my updates have been from work, when the moment hits me..

Stayed tuned for the tidbits, quotes and pictures!!!!!

Waiting Rooms

Today one of our patients came in to pick up her contacts..and, as usual, I ask her how she is doing...her reply was "don't ask, not that well"
Naturally, I probe a little...

Turns out her husband of 20 years has cancer, he has gone through chemo twice and now the cancer has spread all over his body and into his bones...she says she has been unable to break down because she is being strong for her husband. She goes on to share that he is the love of her life and she doesn't know where she would be without him or what she will do..the obvious love she has for her husband radiates as she shares...
The sheer emotion of sharing with me, had her gasping for breathe..so I did what was on my heart, I walked into the waiting room and asked her if I could pray for her.
We cried out to Jesus together, in the waiting room of my work, in front of 2 co-workers and one other patient..but I didn't care!!!
I was just obeying my Lord.

My heart aches for her and her husband, not only for the loss they are going through but for the love they have shared with each other, to feel like it is being taken away from you, that has to be scary.

As Lynda left the office, her last words were "Not my will, but His will"
Even in the midst of losing her husband, she is able to call upon the strength of the Lord and completely lean on Him. AMAZING!, the faith she demonstrated for me today...Funny how I thought I would be the one blessing her with my prayers!!!!!

Cave Junction,...not Crescent City

We had a really good weekend!! Friday night just the two of us hung out and watched movies and just enjoyed each other, then on Saturday we ran some errands then made a dessert and headed out to Ontario. We went to my uncles home for a going away party for my brother and his family. After years of living in Ontario, David, my brother is moving his family to Cave Junction, Oregon. They leave at the end of this month, and I will truly miss them.

I say goodbye with mixed feelings, I am happy for them to be chasing their dreams, yet selfishly sad for me. I have enjoyed watching my brother become a husband, a father and an extraordinary man of God. He has been an example to so many people around him, he has been my dads best friend, he has been Jenna's rock, and his children's hero, but somehow, to me, he has remained "my little brother"..
I do realize that he is no longer "little", but he will always remain my brother..
So, I will miss them and their family so much, but I am so proud of who he has become that I just can't wait to see what more the Lord does in their lives!!!

I don't want to make this into a huge "goodbye" post because I refuse to say goodbye just "see you later"...it is with tremendous joy that I do say "see you later" to David, Jenna, Caleb, Gracie and Luke..I can't wait to come visit you all!!
You will all be in my prayers, and I'm looking forward to what the Lord is gonna do through you and in you!!!!

To top off our weekend, I went to Travis's softball game!!!!! He is really good!!!
They didn't win, but he played so well, and Becky came with her dad and we had a chance to just catch up!!!

One last surprise was last night, Travis's parents came over to bring his birthday present...a new barbecue!!!!!
It was so nice to see them, and to have them in our new home, I want to make more of an effort to connect with Karen because she is my family, so it was nice to see them and so sweet of them to bring the bbq down..so now we have no excuse to NOT have people over..so let the parties begin!!:)

We didn't want to do it...BUT we are so glad we did!!!

Do you ever just want to sit on the couch and watch T.V.??
WE DO TOO!!!!
However, this T.V. watching has brought us to our current state of complacency in our "fitness" life.

So a HUGE "Thank you" to George for pushing us last night to go work out with you..
We totally didn't want to, but we were truly glad that we did.
Keep pushing!!!!! Don't give up on us, we are joining the masses...just a little bit slower than you...

Here we come......here we come

Is there such a thing as "too happy??"

People are always asking me why Travis is so happy all the time...Doesn't he ever have a bad day, or does anything really bother him..
Well..the answer is YES he has bad days, and YES things bother him HOWEVER he has this amazing ability to see the positive in almost anything! His perspective makes all the difference, he embraces trials as a time to learn and grow...
Perspective makes all the difference!!!!!
Not a fake outlook on life, but a real, true, brighter outlook! Quite the compliment to my personality..he completely balances me.

What bothers me about people questioning Travis is this:
What is so wrong with Joy, happiness, and being positive??
Are we so jaded as a society that happiness makes us uncomfortable and we just don't know how to react to it??

Yes, life is hard, and yes we are constantly looking to better ourselves, BUT how awesome that Travis can see what so many others cannot see: Joy in everyday life!!!!
I thank God for giving me a husband that can look at life with a smile:)
I believe Travis shows me a glimpse of the Lords heart, in that the darkest of situations; there is always cause to give thanks, there is always cause to give, there is always cause to spread love, and there is always a different season around the corner.

So, for those of you that question Travis: I say, LET HIM BE HIMSELF, HE TRULY IS A POSITIVE PERSON, AND GET USED TO IT!!!!!
JOY IS FROM THE LORD!!!

Missing her...

Most of you know that my grandma Betty passed away last November...
The first thing that you see when you walk in my home is a picture of the "love birds" my grandma and her lover boy...I put it there to remind me everyday when I come home what a true love commitment is, and to remind me that I need to spread my love to those around me.. (as she did)
Well, I miss her, this warm weather reminds me of taking off to grandmas house and going to the "clubhouse pool"..enjoying her cooking & her taking care of me all weekend!
Yes, even as an adult, when you went to grandmas house..you were officially excused from ALL work, even making your own lunch..

Gotta love it!! But oh how I miss her smile, her hugs and just her spirit..she found laughter in just about everything! Her laughter would fill the house at family functions, but her laughter also filled my heart, filled me with the desire to laugh with her, and enjoy life as she does!

I have only my memories now, so I will cherish the sound of her voice, her laughter and remember her in my heart...I miss her so much...
It saddens me that I will never be able to call my grandma with the news that I'm pregnant (I'm not) and hear her scream & laugh...
So mom, is you are reading this, I fully expect a SCREAM, LOUD LAUGH and maybe even a few tears of joy...(when the news does happen)

No one will ever take the place of my grandma, but I can take the lessons learned from her and "share" her. She always laughed, always loved, and was always thankful.
Thank you grandma! I love you and miss you everyday

Changes!!

Life is unstable, I am unstable, but one thing that is consistent is CHANGE...
Change is good, change is necessary, change is HARD, change in inevitable, change is GROWTH!

Some people run FROM change, I am one that runs TO change!! I embrace it! Usually(in some aspects of my life) I LOVE to change my furniture, my hair, my style, and my shoes:), but more serious changes, like life, job or even money.....I freeze up and I'm not sure how to proceed...
Lately I feel the I need to change my perspective. To alter how I perceive things in my life, to view them as God would. At work I struggle to keep a positive attitude and not let the small things bring me down...I focus on MY needs and how they are met or not met..Basically, its all about ME. I'm pretty sure that this isn't what the Lord needs me to focus on. I walk in the door to work and I'm the first thing on my mind;
My heart has been heavy with the desire to CHANGE. My heart desires to go to work with a lite heart & the intention to be an example to those around me & just inject everyone with a dose of Jesus, not by anything I am saying but by my actions alone...this requires a HUGE change.

I am not sure how to alter my thoughts, but I know the more I immerse myself in the word, the more it will ooze out of me:) Scripture is my best defense against the enemy!!!!! So my challenge to you would be to embrace change, immerse yourself in the truth, and inject those around you with love...

Please walk with me through this season of "change" in my heart!!!

Birthdays, Egos & Softball!!!

Whew!! What a weekend! We were so busy, but it felt really good all at the same time! It all started on Friday night, we went over to Christopher & Leanne's house for a "game night", Lets just say Christopher and I kicked butt!!:)
Saturday, was Christopher's birthday, so Leanne was throwing him a surprise party!! Best EVER party thrown in 24 hours!!!!! So Saturday was spent, running around planning & getting & decorating!! The kind of stuff that I really love, and it fuels me...

So Christopher was completely surprised!! Yay!, the decorations are looking amazing, everyone is having a GREAT time (including me.)
One of the downfalls of having the gift of hospitality, is that you are always making sure everything is going smooth, everyone is happy, candles are all lite..that kind of stuff..Well I spotted 2 candles that needed to be lite, so I rush inside to grab the lighter, and unknown to me the screen was shut...BAM I totally ran in to the screen...and if that weren't bad enough, I couldn't stop myself from falling on it..so I fell on the screen through the door and bent the frame & crushed my EGO...!!!!!
Now if I was a VERY secure person, this would be soooooo funny, and I would Laugh at myself and make a funny joke...but being the person I am right now...I was mortified....Leanne came in to check on me, she was so sweet..she laughed but also was compassionate, Travis was just concerned that I had hurt myself, and I was in tears...
Tanya "gave me a little time", then checked up on me..
The sad but funny part was, that I wished I could just laugh it off & continue to party!!!!..but I'm very thankful for friends that are concerned for me, even if it was through their laughter..

I'm totally over it now, and have been able to laugh at it!! Thank you Becky for the advice:)...but it did teach me to NOT take myself so seriously, and just laugh more, fall less, and relax always!!

Whew.....our weekend isn't over yet, Travis is now on a softball team, he had his first game over the weekend!! He did really good, so Yay for my sweetie!!!

Mothers Day!!

Another Mothers day has past, and yet again I am unable to celebrate with the masses. If you know me at all, you know the desire of my heart is to be a mother...
I have wanted this as long as I can remember...

This Mothers day was harder for me than others past, I'm not sure why but my heart was so heavy with desire and disappointment. I found myself admiring my mom for all her hard work for us kids, and being jealous of the "mom club".
I kept praying and asking God why...why not me, why can everyone else be blessed with this gift??
I have no answer yet, but I do know that Gods timing is certainly NOT mine. His ways are better than mine, and I know HE has His hand on my life..He knows the desires of my heart, and He also knows how much I can handle.
He (God) also knows how much my heart hurts when I see a pregnant woman, and the loss I feel. He will also lead me through this too.
I am encouraged because God is all-knowing!

I will continue to pray, I will continue to seek the Lord, and I will continue to "try" :) (heheheh), please pray me through this sensitive time in my life.
I will soon be going to the Doctors to start seeking "other options" to help

Refreshed!!

Most of you know that I had a week off from work! I'm back to work this week and feeling so very refreshed...it was a much needed break..
I didn't do anything too special,but just to NOT have to drive into work and be "on" all week.
I'm very fortunate to have 3 weeks vacation per year,so I appreciate my boss and my job..

I realized, while on vacation, that I need structure in my life..I like to have a schedule & lists are my friends!:)
Without a schedule I feel overwhelmed at very small tasks, day to day. For example, if I get home from work and there is laundry to be done, I just get it done...but then complain because I am doing laundry every night..(crazy I know)
But Travis helped me realize that if I have a routine, even with house work, I will relax more knowing there is a "time" for me to do laundry.
So last night Travis and I sat down and scheduled our week out. We included housework, time with friends, time with family, exercise, date night, and YES even our alone time.

It was so satisfying to know that when I walk in the door at night, I don't have to get everything done in one night, just check the schedule & do whats on it ONLY...
I'm so excited to see this in practice, because I really do work better on a schedule...How about you??
Do you like to schedule or do you just fly by the seat of your pants??
I would love to hear your thoughts!

You Decide...

Travis says I'm not ok...He is basing this opinion on this past week.
But I'm leaving it in your hands; you decide...
Am I ok???

Missed my father in laws B-day on Tuesday, flaked on friends to watch Idol because
I was feeling "emotional"
Wednesday: Worked, went to coffee with a friend!! Found my very first ever gray hair on my head...cried over it, felt old
Thursday: worked, cried in bathroom for 15 minutes (at work), went to lunch with my mom, sobbed on the way home from work, while explaining to Travis that I was fine...
Found $7 in my lab coat at work & cried about it...
Friday: Worked, got mad because I had to get gas, went home, then went to Travs Grandpas house to "help" pack & have pizza..Got mad because Travs brother Trent got a brand new car that his parents co-signed for...
Saturday: went to swap meet, went to Daves (my brother) last concert; got mad cuz we were early; got mad at everything
Sunday: Church, laid around in the heat
Monday: Found second gray hair..laughed about it (queitly dying inside)

I think this points to the obvious, I AM FINE!! QUITE NORMAL, ACTUALLY!
YOU DECIDE

Faithful!

God is so faithful!!
We have truly experienced Gods faithfulness during this last month since we moved. The Lord has provided money when there wasn't any, he has provided friends when we were lacking connection, he provided furniture when we couldn't afford to buy new, he provided a pay increase for Travis!, and he has provided us a home, not just a house but with His help we have been able to create a "home" for us to enjoy..

Since God is so faithful, he has given us this AMAZING home to share with others, we want to open up our home to help/bless/entertain others! So, call us or just come over:) (you better call before you just stop by, we are still newlyweds)

I am in awe of Gods provision!!! I would LOVE to hear the ways in which He has provided for you.....please share with me:)

Today I am thankful for Gods faithfulness, even when I am unfaithful to Him, He remains constant..

Thankfull!

Ok, so my friend Lisa is doing this everyday, so it inspired me to do the same!
I'm be attempting to write a "thankfull blog" everyday! There are so many positive things in my life that I'm completly thankfull for EVERY day;, however I tend to focus on the hardships...
So in effort to keep my eyes and my heart on "better" things, I too will do a "thankfull" blog most days!!!!

Thankfull blog #1
I am so thankfull for my husband. For his thoughtfullness, his compassion, his heart for others and the way he listens to me. I am so thankfull for his love that demanstartes Gods love for me so clearly, I am thankfull for the fact that even though I can be "difficult", he never makes me feel "difficult", he just patiently loves me thru whatever I'm going thru.
My husband is one of a kind, and I thank God every day for bringing him into my life

I love you sweetie!! You are my sunshine:)

Better Days!!

Whew!! Having a better day today:) Didn't mean to worry anyone, just had a rough couple of days last week...BUT I realize my feeling of "failure" was more of a feeling of "frustration"..
Frustration with myself and others...but mainly just frustration with circumstances
So NO WORRIES!! I am feeling much better, and much more encouraged!

Thank you to those of you that prayed for me...
Please continue to pray for all the changes that are taking place in and around our lives at this time...
More to come

TidBit:
Reading; The story of my life, an Afghan girl on the other side of the sky
By Farah Ahmedi with Tamim Ansary
I recommend this book!! Its an incredible story of a young girls journey to America and her life long struggle as an Afghan.
" I have lost love ones, but NOT love itself"

Failures/Bad day..

Failures:
Do my failures define me, or am I defined by the lessons I learn from failing??
Unfortunately, for me, the first is true...I let my failures define me...
I have failed in a marriage, in friendships, in being a sister, failure in being consistent in my eating habits, in being a wife...
But the biggest failure that plagues me daily, is my failure to be "real"
To just be who I am, without trying so hard to please everyone, and try to get everyone to "like" me..
This is why first time impressions are hard on me..I walk away replaying the conversations in my head, wishing I had said this, not that...etc..so I feel in my need to be "liked" I retreat to a funnier, more loud me. Ultimately this ends up eating at me, and I end up getting frustrated at myself for trying to hard.
Failure; once again

I filter all interactions throughout the day thru my "failure filter", thru the way I view myself, which I can admit, I have low self esteem...probably because I view myself as a "failure".. Ahh, the circle continues...

So, as I continue to evaluate my heart and rely on the Lord to encourage me, I am here for now, imperfect and a work in progress.
I do invite you to walk along side of me as I continue to try to learn through my failures rather than walk WITH them daily...

To Fail, is to learn.

Rules...

My husband and I carpool to work 2 days out of the week...So tonight we are driving home and we are in the carpool lane (don't be jealous) and he misses the exit that comes before our actual freeway exit..you know the one that lets you get out of carpool and be a law-abiding citizen..

Anyway, we drive right on by our exit which is Downey, then he refuses to get out of carpool and cross the "double solid lines" "NO he says, its against the law"
Oh my gosh!!! I get soooooo frustrated because we are going about 3 miles out of our way and past our home...
He is such a rule follower...so frustrating!

Ugh, just once I want to see him bend a rule, just for the satisfaction of knowing that he isn't perfect...don't get me wrong I really don't think he is perfect, but does he have to ALWAYS FOLLOW THE RULES????

You Alone...

Ok, so worship music is one of my vices... I need it, I love it and I often ponder the words in it. On the way to work today I heard this song, I can't remember the title but the words are as follows:

Lord I give you my heart, I give my soul, I live for YOU ALONE
every breath that I take, every moment I'm awake...
Lord Have Your way in me..

Please picture with me, if you will, me singing out the window this song driving on the 5 freeway, When I'm singing, I live for You Alone, I stopped...couldn't continue singing words that I know my heart doesn't mean right now. I want to live for ME, I want what I want right now, and not what the Lord wants for me. I serve myself, my desires, my needs instead of listening to His soft voice. I want to NOT work, I want to have children, I want more income, I want I want I want...before long I sounded like a 2 year old whining because she isn't getting HER way. Even I was irritated by the sound of my complaints...
So, ok, but what do I do with all this??
I believe one of the purposes of worship is draw you closer to the Lord. So as I examine my selfish ways, I am encouraged to KEEP WORSHIPPING, keep singing the words that I long to become the desires of my heart. Keep allowing the Lord to draw me closer thru worship...Keep allowing myself to hear the pulling of the Spirit to "check my heart"..Keep listening, Keep questioning, Keep asking "why"...

So, I love to worship, its one of my vices....I will KEEP...

People We Know

I find in my life there are 3 types of people that I know..

People that I want to KNOW ME:
This is people I look up to as "mentors" in my life or
people that I believe I can grow from, by being vulnerable
and exposing my success's and faults.

People that I WANT TO KNOW:
I find myself asking more questions of this group of people.
People that I want to get to know, hear their experiences and how
they have grown...solely for the purpose of understanding them better

People that I DON'T KNOW:
I think of this group as people that I perceive as "different" than me
People that I assume that I have nothing in common with, therefore make almost no effort to engage them.

I find the latter group of people most intriguing right now. People that I invest the least in can be the biggest blessings to me. I can learn so much more from someone who is so "different" than me. Keeping in mind that this "difference" is perceived only by me, when in reality we are more alike than I think.
We all have pain, we all have struggles, we all have success, we all have sinned.
We are all a little insecure, we've all felt hopeless and we all NEED God.
Today I will make an extra effort to connect with someone that is "different" than me. Will you??

TidBit:
BreakThrough:
Hope sets us apart from the animals. God-given hope is more than wishful thinking. Godly hope does not wish for something to happen, it confidently anticipates that an unbreakable promise is destined to occur. Hope is anchored in God's sovereignty.
Its grounded in the truth that all things work for the good for those who love him. Romans 8:28

My favorite things

My favorite things:
* Toasted bagels with lots of cream cheese
* People watching
* The smell of my deodorant
* The sound of little children's giggles:)
* Photography
* LOVE to cook
* Friends that don't care how your hair looks
* A good cry
* Laughing until you pee your pants just a little:)
* Forgiveness
* Grace
* Coffee with friends!!!!:)
* Putting :) after most of my sentences:) :) :)

Whats wrong?

Whats wrong?? Very common, every day words (if you are a woman)..yet they can mean so many different things. When I get asked "whats wrong", my first thoughts are...Do you mean
physically, emotionally or spiritually. Are you referring to work, home or church, and lastly
How much do you really want to hear.
That is what I think of.

My husband is a different story, when he gets asked "whats wrong" he thinks for only
a moment and answers based on that exact first thought in his head. So you can imagine my surprise last night as we are getting ready for bed, that he wanted, no he actually NEEDED to talk with me about what was wrong. My heart jumped with excitment because I actually get a glimpse into his head, and he is willingly letting me in...
so I brace myself for the ride...
Only to find out that he is sad..or in his words "feeling ugly with a capitol U" ahhhhhhhh,
my heart drops at this news. Not only is my big strong man feeling sad, but he needs me to be
there for him and the words are just NOT coming to me.

Usually when I pour out my heart to him, he listens then trys to "fix" it. What I actually NEED for him to do is just listen and absorb.
So I try to listen and absorb, but quickly realize this isn't what he NEEDS. Then I switch to Travis speak and help him "fix" the way he is feeling...ok doin a little better.

My point in sharing this is so simple: I learned that I need to speak to my husband in the language that he understands and needs from me. My needs are NOT his needs.
I am constantly learning about the differences between us, I know many of you are saying "duh" But as basic as this sounds, I need to continually remind my heart to hear him. Not only the words that he is speaking but the meaning behind them.
This particular conversation reminded me that I need to affirm my husband every day.
Affirm him in his appearance, his work, his leadership and his friendship.

TidBit:
The First Five Years

"Men process life in boxes". Men's thinking is divided up into boxes that each have room for one issue and one issue only...
Women process life more like a plate of spaghetti. Women can manage many ideas at once and the often run into one another and intersect, so solving the problem may not be as important as talking about it"

This is me...

I finially decided to join the masses & get a blog, and YES, just because everyone else is doing it I would jump off a bridge..anything to be "cool":)
I'm just a girl in love with a guy going through life confused, excited, passionate, honest, dishonest, playfull, serious, open, guarded and for the most-part....Just me

Join me as I walk through my daily challenges and triumphs and attempt to share a piece of myself with you. My hope is that you will be encouraged and challenged as I share my heart, and that you would come to know me, as I will be coming to know myself.

Every entry I will end with an insert from one of the books I am reading...(you will come to learn I LOVE to read, and I read a TON!) This will be known as my "Tidbits"
Currently reading:
Break Through by Marsha Crockett; Unearthing God's Image to Find the Real You
The First Five Years by Bill & Pam Farrel; Make the Love Investment that Lasts a Lifetime

Tidbit (Break Through)
It's nearly impossible for me to think my way out of anger. Logic has no appeal in matters of the heart, and anger is as much a matter of the heart as is love.
If I can't keep myself from being consumed by negative emotions and the circumstances of life, then my only hope was in asking God to keep me...just keep me.
God, just keep me