Tuesday, October 28, 2014
I'm back!
After a nearly 2 year hiatus...I AM BACK!!!!
Can't wait to update and share ALL that has gone on
both in our lives and in our hearts.
I need an outlet. I need to share my heart, let my
voice be heard. The Lord has given me a story, one that
is a testimony of His faithfulness and His love
for his children.
A story of redemption!
My story...
Friday, January 6, 2012
Christmas!!!!
We had such relaxing holidays this year! It was very different for me to be on the other side of things..I was forced to relax and let others step up and do the cooking and cleaning:) I have to be honest and say that I kinda liked it!
Travis and I were able to soak up every moment of our last Christmas as "just the 2 of us", and spent the weekend with family and those that we love:)
Christmas Eve we spent with my family, as is our tradition. Trav was in charge of the games, and Alicia and Rachel were in charge of all the cooking!!
Travis and I were able to truly take in this Christmas and the reason we celebrate. We didn't focus on the gifts, the decorating or the baking this year. We really were able to take a step back and remain focused on the Lord and celebrating His birthday. On Christmas Eve Christian lead us in a worship song before we opened presents.
This Christmas I really didn't want to focus on it "might" be my moms last, but rather enjoy the fact that, once again, we were all together! I wanted the day to be as "normal" as possible! Mom had a great day that day, she was feeling good and was able to be involved with most of the activities! Thank you Lord for giving mom the strength that day:)
The family Christmas Picture!!! We take one every year, and I love it:)
Christmas Day we headed to Travs' parents for a small celebration and then off to more Covey relatives for the big dinner:) We were spoiled yet again, and able to relax, talk to everyone and sit back and enjoy the night!
We are just so blessed to have such amazing families that both love us so much and also love the Lord!!
What could have been a very sad holiday actually turned out to be one of the most memorable ones. Thank you to the Lord for sustaining our families through these times of transition and change. It's amazing that we can find such peace in the midst of heartache and chaos.
Top 5 Things the Pregnancy Books DON'T tell you...
1. That you will drool...a lot! Luckily mostly when you are sleeping:)...I often wake up in a puddle of my own drool....weird!!
2. Your belly is now public property! Random people will touch you. Not only is your belly public property, your "story" is as well. People will ask you very intimate questions without boundaries..For example: I was asked if I used a sperm donor and which ethnicity my babies would be...
3. Granny Panties will be your friend:)...yet even those will, at some point, not cover your whole belly!
4. Your nipples will grow and almost take over you whole chest area...:)
5. Every time you feel your babies move, your heart skips a beat!!! This is the best time of your life. You will never feel as beautiful as you do during your pregnancy. Just knowing that the Lord is forming every inch of your babies and that you are so blessed to be a part His creation.
That when you wake up in the morning, you reach down and pray for your little ones...that you are now playing one of the most important roles you will ever have, that motherhood is a gift, that each and every stretch mark will remind you of this amazing time in your life, that no matter how weird you feel, or how you feel out of control at times.........
None of this matters when you hold your babies for the first time and they look into your eyes.
Nobody tells you that your life will forever be changed in such an incredible way!!!
2. Your belly is now public property! Random people will touch you. Not only is your belly public property, your "story" is as well. People will ask you very intimate questions without boundaries..For example: I was asked if I used a sperm donor and which ethnicity my babies would be...
3. Granny Panties will be your friend:)...yet even those will, at some point, not cover your whole belly!
4. Your nipples will grow and almost take over you whole chest area...:)
5. Every time you feel your babies move, your heart skips a beat!!! This is the best time of your life. You will never feel as beautiful as you do during your pregnancy. Just knowing that the Lord is forming every inch of your babies and that you are so blessed to be a part His creation.
That when you wake up in the morning, you reach down and pray for your little ones...that you are now playing one of the most important roles you will ever have, that motherhood is a gift, that each and every stretch mark will remind you of this amazing time in your life, that no matter how weird you feel, or how you feel out of control at times.........
None of this matters when you hold your babies for the first time and they look into your eyes.
Nobody tells you that your life will forever be changed in such an incredible way!!!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Kyle David
When I was 20 years old I was pregnant with my first child...
My son, Kyle David!
The pregnancy came as a shock to those around me, I was 20 years old and not married.
However I felt from the very beginning that God had a special purpose for Kyle.
This Holiday season I am taken back to that time in my life...It was Christmas time and I was pregnant. Overwhelmed with emotion and excitement for the new life growing inside of me, yet apprehensive of the responsibility to come. I knew the road I had chosen would be hard,
It was a very lonely time for me. My boyfriend and I had broken up and I was dealing with the guilt/condemnation of my mistakes. I felt like no one understood me or what I was going through.
Alone...
I had very little, if any, understanding of what Gods grace was.
I still knew that this baby, my son, would change my life forever...
Right after Christmas, I had a severe asthma attack. I was hospitalized with pneumonia and severe asthma all while 3 months pregnant.
One of my most tender memories from my 2 weeks in the hospital was that of my mom and I. She combed my hair and shaved my legs and arm pits.
You see, I felt like I had disappointed my mom, that she was ashamed of me and my growing belly, that I was un-lovable. So her tender act of love meant so much more to me than a nice shave, to me it was an tender expression of her heart for her daughter. That, no matter what, I was still her little girl that needed her mommy. No matter what, I was loved!!
My mom came to the hospital every day. Every day I accepted her love more and more and began to slowly feel less unworthy of her love and able to embrace her heart for me. Each day closer to understanding the love of a mother.
After coming home from the hospital my life took on a bit of a routine...the days were long and the nights were met with a song for my baby boy growing in my belly.
Each night before bed I would sing to him "Jesus Loves you". I wanted my son to understand the unconditional love of Jesus, unlike his mother..who at 20 was still trying to comprehend it.
Months later, I woke up in the middle of the night with extreme pain in my stomach.
Off to the emergency room we went. All I remember of that night was the pain was too much to bear...no songs of love, no tender memories, just pain.
I was experiencing "placenta abrubtion"...where the placenta separates from the uterus before the baby is born. My son, Kyle was still-born (born dead) at 25 weeks.
The days that followed were a mixture of peace and sorrow. As my head took in the loss, my heart felt a peace beyond understanding. The comfort I experienced at that time was unlike any I have felt before, I took comfort in the fact that my son was with the Lord, that my son never took a breath of the sinful air of the world, my son was at peace, my son had a very special purpose.
In the midst of trials we rarely see the "why"..it is after the fact that we can see the Lords hand at work in the very midst of each trial. How He held me when I grieved, how He showed me love through my parents, how He taught me about His grace and forgiveness, How He loves me unconditionally...
Once again, I always knew Kyle David had a special purpose.
I love you son! My sweet angel, Kyle David
My son, Kyle David!
The pregnancy came as a shock to those around me, I was 20 years old and not married.
However I felt from the very beginning that God had a special purpose for Kyle.
This Holiday season I am taken back to that time in my life...It was Christmas time and I was pregnant. Overwhelmed with emotion and excitement for the new life growing inside of me, yet apprehensive of the responsibility to come. I knew the road I had chosen would be hard,
It was a very lonely time for me. My boyfriend and I had broken up and I was dealing with the guilt/condemnation of my mistakes. I felt like no one understood me or what I was going through.
Alone...
I had very little, if any, understanding of what Gods grace was.
I still knew that this baby, my son, would change my life forever...
Right after Christmas, I had a severe asthma attack. I was hospitalized with pneumonia and severe asthma all while 3 months pregnant.
One of my most tender memories from my 2 weeks in the hospital was that of my mom and I. She combed my hair and shaved my legs and arm pits.
You see, I felt like I had disappointed my mom, that she was ashamed of me and my growing belly, that I was un-lovable. So her tender act of love meant so much more to me than a nice shave, to me it was an tender expression of her heart for her daughter. That, no matter what, I was still her little girl that needed her mommy. No matter what, I was loved!!
My mom came to the hospital every day. Every day I accepted her love more and more and began to slowly feel less unworthy of her love and able to embrace her heart for me. Each day closer to understanding the love of a mother.
After coming home from the hospital my life took on a bit of a routine...the days were long and the nights were met with a song for my baby boy growing in my belly.
Each night before bed I would sing to him "Jesus Loves you". I wanted my son to understand the unconditional love of Jesus, unlike his mother..who at 20 was still trying to comprehend it.
Months later, I woke up in the middle of the night with extreme pain in my stomach.
Off to the emergency room we went. All I remember of that night was the pain was too much to bear...no songs of love, no tender memories, just pain.
I was experiencing "placenta abrubtion"...where the placenta separates from the uterus before the baby is born. My son, Kyle was still-born (born dead) at 25 weeks.
The days that followed were a mixture of peace and sorrow. As my head took in the loss, my heart felt a peace beyond understanding. The comfort I experienced at that time was unlike any I have felt before, I took comfort in the fact that my son was with the Lord, that my son never took a breath of the sinful air of the world, my son was at peace, my son had a very special purpose.
In the midst of trials we rarely see the "why"..it is after the fact that we can see the Lords hand at work in the very midst of each trial. How He held me when I grieved, how He showed me love through my parents, how He taught me about His grace and forgiveness, How He loves me unconditionally...
Once again, I always knew Kyle David had a special purpose.
I love you son! My sweet angel, Kyle David
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Worth a thousand words...
They say a picture is "worth a thousand words"...
Pictures capture the moments that pass in a blink of an eye...the moments we take for granted or miss all together.
I wanted to share some special moments with you from last weekend!!!
The pictures speak for themselves:)
I'm so thankful for precious moments with my family. The moments that were captured will never be forgotten.
My prayer for all of us this Thanksgiving is that we take time to enjoy the simple moments, to be "present", to capture the small blessings we are given each day!
Give thanks to the Lord for He is good..
His love endures forever!!
This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it!!!!
Pictures capture the moments that pass in a blink of an eye...the moments we take for granted or miss all together.
I wanted to share some special moments with you from last weekend!!!
The pictures speak for themselves:)
I'm so thankful for precious moments with my family. The moments that were captured will never be forgotten.
My prayer for all of us this Thanksgiving is that we take time to enjoy the simple moments, to be "present", to capture the small blessings we are given each day!
Give thanks to the Lord for He is good..
His love endures forever!!
This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it!!!!
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Heartache and joy
Have you ever experienced PURE JOY and extreme SADNESS at the same moment?
Have you ever felt your heart ripping in half while experience the excitement of new life?
Let me stop writing in riddles and explain..
Most of you know that last year my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She underwent Chemo and has been in remission for the past several months...or so we thought.
Moms cancer is back, this time it spread to her bones and she is in stage 4 bone cancer. The cancer is in her spine, her kidneys, her liver and several other parts of her body. The pain is unbearable for her at times. She is undergoing radiation and chemo right now...The prognosis isn't good.
Forgive me if my writing reads more like a child, I apologize...It is hard to put into words something that I truly can't comprehend. I NEVER imagined losing my mom at such an early age, I NEVER imagined that she wouldn't be there for my children, I NEVER thought about my life without my mommy...I just never imagined....
In the midst of all of this..there is hope:
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Hope comes in many forms, right now that form is that of 2 precious unborn babies that are growing in my belly!
Hope of a faithful God, that He does listen to our prayers! He plans to prosper me, not to harm, He gives me a future and a hope.
I believe the best Hope of all is that He has a plan...it's all going to be ok, He is in control.
Please hear my heart here... I have questions, I have bitterness, I have a hard time comprehending a loving God taking my mom from me at this time in my life, I have anger...The biggest one being my "WHY?"..
Why now Lord?
Why my mom?
In my "human-ness" I want different answers, I want Him to heal my mom. In my spirit, I want His will for my mom and for myself as well...even if it tears my heart out in the process.
It has been a daily struggle for me to release what my flesh wants for what my spirit wants...
HOWEVER...
I choose to believe my God, I choose to lay all my life, my expectations, my futures, my hopes, my children at His feet...He calms my fears with a simple response..."I am in control, my timing is PERFECT...
My prayer is that the Lord would not waste my pain, not waste my struggle, not waste my heartache..that He would use me to reach others that are hurting and struggling with the "whys" of life...
Ultimately this isn't about me or my mom or my pregnancy...This is about choosing to believe, in whatever circumstance, that God is in full control and He has a plan...
I want to give God ALL the glory, only look to Him for comfort and answers!!
Only He has the perfect plan for me and for you:)
Have you ever felt your heart ripping in half while experience the excitement of new life?
Let me stop writing in riddles and explain..
Most of you know that last year my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She underwent Chemo and has been in remission for the past several months...or so we thought.
Moms cancer is back, this time it spread to her bones and she is in stage 4 bone cancer. The cancer is in her spine, her kidneys, her liver and several other parts of her body. The pain is unbearable for her at times. She is undergoing radiation and chemo right now...The prognosis isn't good.
Forgive me if my writing reads more like a child, I apologize...It is hard to put into words something that I truly can't comprehend. I NEVER imagined losing my mom at such an early age, I NEVER imagined that she wouldn't be there for my children, I NEVER thought about my life without my mommy...I just never imagined....
In the midst of all of this..there is hope:
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Hope comes in many forms, right now that form is that of 2 precious unborn babies that are growing in my belly!
Hope of a faithful God, that He does listen to our prayers! He plans to prosper me, not to harm, He gives me a future and a hope.
I believe the best Hope of all is that He has a plan...it's all going to be ok, He is in control.
Please hear my heart here... I have questions, I have bitterness, I have a hard time comprehending a loving God taking my mom from me at this time in my life, I have anger...The biggest one being my "WHY?"..
Why now Lord?
Why my mom?
In my "human-ness" I want different answers, I want Him to heal my mom. In my spirit, I want His will for my mom and for myself as well...even if it tears my heart out in the process.
It has been a daily struggle for me to release what my flesh wants for what my spirit wants...
HOWEVER...
I choose to believe my God, I choose to lay all my life, my expectations, my futures, my hopes, my children at His feet...He calms my fears with a simple response..."I am in control, my timing is PERFECT...
My prayer is that the Lord would not waste my pain, not waste my struggle, not waste my heartache..that He would use me to reach others that are hurting and struggling with the "whys" of life...
Ultimately this isn't about me or my mom or my pregnancy...This is about choosing to believe, in whatever circumstance, that God is in full control and He has a plan...
I want to give God ALL the glory, only look to Him for comfort and answers!!
Only He has the perfect plan for me and for you:)
Monday, August 22, 2011
I am a MOM part two
The only thing better than finding out you are pregnant....Is finding out that you are having TWINS!!!!!!
That's right, WE ARE HAVING TWINS!!!
2 weeks after we found out we were pregnant, I went in for my first ultrasound. We hadn't planned on Trav coming since we were just confirming the pregnancy. We didn't want him to take time off work just to confirm what we already knew.
BUT, when the day finally arrived...I was so scared! I wanted Trav there with me, I wanted him by my side...mainly out of fear, but I just wanted my best-friend to hold my hand.
As I get to my RE office, I change in to the gown and sit in the room and wait...
I waited for 25 minutes in that room. I was doing breathing exercises to stay calm and singing a song I didn't even know but it brought me such PEACE!! The only words I knew were "It is well, with my soul" I just repeated those words over and over.
The Dr. comes in and we start the ultrasound...there was silence...The nurse June was by my side, rubbing my arm, that's when I saw one of the babies for the first time. The DR. turned the screen so that I could see and showed me a black hole circle thing.
"Do you see it?" he asked
"umm, I just see a black hole" (me)
"yes! That's the baby" he said
Then he did something so AMAZING.....He moved to his right and I saw a glimpse of another black hole
"Wait, what is that?" (me)
"Shh...He is counting the babies" Nurse June
"WHAT?!?!," (me) with tears running down my cheeks and praising the Lord
"Ok, Carey,,,we see 2 babies! You are pregnant with TWINS!" Dr
At that point I just lost it, I was crying for joy and sad that my husband was absent from this incredible moment.
After my secret moments of bliss, the Dr said something that threw me back into reality:
"I can only get one heartbeat, the other is too faint. Let's not tell anyone about the twins yet, let's just wait and see"
Clearly this Dr doesn't know me very well...WAIT AND SEE???
Wait and see what? I see twins and I want to scream it to the world!!
BUT, I take a deep breath and go back to work...knowing secretly that my life is about to get turned upside down....and I can't wait!!!!!!!
To be Continued.............
Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus
That's right, WE ARE HAVING TWINS!!!
2 weeks after we found out we were pregnant, I went in for my first ultrasound. We hadn't planned on Trav coming since we were just confirming the pregnancy. We didn't want him to take time off work just to confirm what we already knew.
BUT, when the day finally arrived...I was so scared! I wanted Trav there with me, I wanted him by my side...mainly out of fear, but I just wanted my best-friend to hold my hand.
As I get to my RE office, I change in to the gown and sit in the room and wait...
I waited for 25 minutes in that room. I was doing breathing exercises to stay calm and singing a song I didn't even know but it brought me such PEACE!! The only words I knew were "It is well, with my soul" I just repeated those words over and over.
The Dr. comes in and we start the ultrasound...there was silence...The nurse June was by my side, rubbing my arm, that's when I saw one of the babies for the first time. The DR. turned the screen so that I could see and showed me a black hole circle thing.
"Do you see it?" he asked
"umm, I just see a black hole" (me)
"yes! That's the baby" he said
Then he did something so AMAZING.....He moved to his right and I saw a glimpse of another black hole
"Wait, what is that?" (me)
"Shh...He is counting the babies" Nurse June
"WHAT?!?!," (me) with tears running down my cheeks and praising the Lord
"Ok, Carey,,,we see 2 babies! You are pregnant with TWINS!" Dr
At that point I just lost it, I was crying for joy and sad that my husband was absent from this incredible moment.
After my secret moments of bliss, the Dr said something that threw me back into reality:
"I can only get one heartbeat, the other is too faint. Let's not tell anyone about the twins yet, let's just wait and see"
Clearly this Dr doesn't know me very well...WAIT AND SEE???
Wait and see what? I see twins and I want to scream it to the world!!
BUT, I take a deep breath and go back to work...knowing secretly that my life is about to get turned upside down....and I can't wait!!!!!!!
To be Continued.............
Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus
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