Philippians 4:8-9

whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Outbursts...Day 7

Are you the type of person that reads the labels on all the medication that you are taking? Do you read the possible side effects and imagine that you have EVERY single on of them all at that very minute???
I have taken Clomid before, so I was aware of what it can do to my emotional state, but had forgotten the physical side effects...
UNTIL I did the forbidden act of: READING THE SIDE EFFECTS FROM THE LABEL!!!!!
WARNING:
The following adverse events have been reported in patients in clinical trials: Acute abdomen, appetite increase, constipation, dermatitis or rash, depression, diarrhea, dizziness, fatigue, hair loss/dry hair, increased urinary frequency/volume, insomnia, light-headedness, nervous tension, vertigo, weight gain/loss

Translation: Carey will experience big appetite, constipation, rashes, bouts of tears for no reason, don't want to get off the couch-ism, dizziness, frequent trips to the toilet, nervous energy and getting fat or possible thin......
WOW!! And they prescribe this to people who are trying to have more intimacy with their husbands..hahah!!! IRONIC right?

I just have to sit back and laugh and try not to take myself too seriously!
Yesterday, I had more of the emotional side effects, I call them my "mini outbursts"
They can happen at ANY moment, with ANYONE, for ANY reason or no reason at all...
Yesterday I experienced several "mini outburst"...
I feel the need to share some of them so I can truly see the ridiculousness of them!
#1: Trav lost his wallet, OUTBURST
#2: My dress didn't make me feel pretty, OUTBURST
#3: Chicken salad, that's all I can say for now: OUTBURST
#4: Pharmacy shipped my meds to wrong location: OUTBURST
#5: My dog stepped on my toes: OUTBURST

Ridiculous right? Today as I wait at home for more meds to be delivered, I am reminded of how truly blessed and fortunate Travis and I are.
We are remiss if we only focus on the negative side effects, if we only remember the hard times of this journey. I MUST shed light on the good also, and the good far outweighs any "mini outburst". Travis and I are closer than we have ever been, I have new friendships due to our common struggle, both of our families are supportive and so much more!!!

This is not only a quest for our own family, but a quest to understand the Lord better and to learn to trust in Him. If we strip away all the meds, the Doctors, the test...we are left with the simple truth that if the Lord wants us to have a baby...WE WILL!!!!!
He is in control, always was and always will be:) Enough said...

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Confessions of an IUI Cycle #1

Confession #1: IUI is intrauterine insemination, or artificial insemination, in which specially washed sperm is injected through the cervix directly into the uterus. ...
Confession #2: Often IUI is accompanied by fertility drugs, such as Clomid
Confession #3: We are entering our first cycle of IUI!

We have been trying to conceive for about 4 years now and our journey has led us to try IUI. We have researched all our options, prepared ourselves for the blood tests, the ultrasounds, the uncomfortable conversations...But nothing could have prepared me for the emotional side of IUI.
Every day of my "cycle" is laid out, most days an action is required, be it taking a pill, a temperature, a measurement or a shot. Every day is another reminder that this is soooo not natural, that this isn't the normal way to have a baby...essentially that "I" am not normal.

Confession #4: I am scared. I am scared that it won't work, a little terrified that it will work. I am afraid to have hope, and fearful of what will happen if I do.

I had my first ultrasound today on CD(cycle-day) 5, today I will start Clomid 50mg for 5 days. My next ultrasound will be on CD 12....and that is as far as we can plan right now. Each week our tests results tell us if we can move forward to the next step...
So right now, we wait and try to adjust to our "new normal".

Confession #5: I'm secretly EXCITED!!!